Dear L.A., I’m still learning to say goodbye.
My grandmother died two years ago. I’ll never regret the 38 hours of driving, the car breaking down 100 fucking miles from home, not even the shit smell of dying animal as the battery started leaking. I kissed the woman I love for the last time, with my boyfriend by my side and it means everything.
Armond met my family for the first time that day. I don’t think he’ll ever get passed the trauma. Grandma loved him and asked where her bikini was so we could take her to the pool with the hot cabana boys. The nurse pointed out “We don’t want to go blind.”
Did you make any progress moving to Portland?
We’ll be moving in with our friend Eric in July and have figured out the finances. It’ll be a couple weeks before we have a place. We’re planning on getting new tattoos (not each other’s names!) and having a housewarming party.
Did you learn anything new about yourself?
My coping mechanism is to distance myself until I’m ready to deal with the situation again. I want to learn to deal with stress without running away into a cold, dark corner, but it’s still going to take some time. To keep myself together I’m focusing on moving and on Armond’s birthday that’s only a few days away. One breath at a time.
How’s Aphotic Night coming?
Almost a year ago, I went do Los Angeles and actually met with Pilar Alessandra (www.onthepage.tv). It was a wild ride for me and a moment of clarity. I love writing, screenwriting, world-building and bringing others along for the ride. I have a number of rough drafts for a series of volumes, but nothing ever looks good enough. I’m taking them back out and jumping back in. Armond has begun looking at sketches and redoing some of my original character designs.
We’ve gotten enough positive feedback that we’ve started a Patreon. With a little help, a little hope and more courage than I’ve ever had before, we can do this!
How do you feel about this blog right now?
So far so good.
Phoenix. Dollar drinks. Swimming pool full of boys. Really need to remember to buy that “I’m sorry!” bouquet.